moving forward. not looking back.

I walked into the doctor's office for what I can only assume was their last appointment of the day. Most of the staff had left, and I only waited a few minutes before I was taken back. I waved at a few familiar faces and read through an article from grandfather during my blood pressure reading. Praise Him, they didn't need a urine sample this time. I laughed as I watched the numbers climb on the scale.

As a first-time mom, I didn't even know my weight until I was in labor. I didn't want to stress about it, so I always stepped backwards on the scale. With the sisters, it became a job. I set my alarm to remind myself to snack, and I grew discouraged if I didn't gain enough each week. Let's just say that this time, weight gain has not been an issue. God bless you, makers of Zofran.

After the work-up, I settled into my room and lay back while the medical assistant listened for heart tones with doppler. It was several minutes before it became obvious that neither of us could muster up any sounds from the baby (edited to add: don't panic, this ends well). She quietly told me she'd be back with the doctor, and she thanked me for not getting upset. Dang, those were some long minutes. Just me and that crinkly paper, watching time crawl and trying to figure out my next move. Finally, the door opened and in walked an ultrasound tech. She warned me that she was better at looking than listening, but that she'd try her hand at it anyway. Another several minutes went by, and nothing. I counted ceiling tiles and waited for them to tell me I needed an ultrasound, but then we heard it - whoosh whoosh whoosh. It was gone again before we even had time to record a rate, but it was there nonetheless.

My doctor arrived at that point and congratulated us all on finally getting some heart tones. Then it was just us, he sat down across from me and twirled his glasses. I was officially thirteen weeks along and an excellent candidate for a VBAC. That's something I'll share more about later, after I explore my options and my heart a bit further. Right now, I'm just taking it week by week and coming to terms with the idea of adding another soul to our crew. I've reached out to the midwife who caught Ames at home and waited for me outside of the OR with the sisters. She's been such a blessing, and I am grateful to have her support and presence no matter how or where or with whom we decide to have this next baby.

So long, first trimester. See ya again NEVER!