On being a good girl hiding...
It doesn't matter who you are; I want you to like me... Um, amen? I've spent the last two decades trying to make sure everyone I meet gets a good impression of me. Just the other day, I met a girl at church while hurrying through my motherhood routine. Ten minutes after she left, I was overcome with dread, that I'd given her the wrong impression, that I'd said the wrong things, that I hadn't extended my hand to shake hers. I found her on Facebook and vomited all of my anxiety into her inbox, because I can't stand the way the
guilt shame devil creeps in and makes me feel.
On giving up on hiding and allowing yourself to be found...
The cross gives us permission to sit down on the inside because we have a God who knows what he's doing. Deep breath. And a little zing to my pride. Y'all probably know this by now, but I'm a doer. I say yes. I don't get tired. I don't need to sit down. I somehow think I've found a way strong-arm my own version of the gospel into aligning with my desires and goals. Reading a woman tell me to sit down and focus on the cross wounds me and soothes me in the most beautifully twisted way.
On exercising faith, REAL faith...
I want to let go, rest, and believe, so that he can hold, refresh and redeem. But what if I do and he doesn't? To read between the lines of faith is to see Jesus. I realized that I've never truly lived by faith. I know what it means and I know how to do it, but I don't. Why? Because if I were honest, I'd admit that those exact words have crossed my mind countless times... what if I let go and He doesn't come through? I speak and sing and gush of His faithfulness all day long, and yet I've never really invited Him to show his faithfulness to me. He's had to knock on the door of my heart and ask to love me, every single time.
Fear drives. Love leads. Any questions?
It's time for this good girl to come out of hiding. It's time for me to be led gently by love, instead of driven harshly by fear. It's time for me to open up my arms and heart. Here it is, Lord. I'm shaky and nervous and a little bit embarrassed, but here I am.
Don't forget to link up below! Just joining in on the fun? Welcome! Read all about our book club here. Next week, we'll be taking a little book break to celebrate Thanksgiving. This linkup won't be book-related, so don't feel like you have to be reading along with us. The following week, we'll be covering chapters 2-5. Ambitious? Maybe, but read what you can and share what you want. See y'all next Thursday!